How to stop feeling jealous of other bloggers (+ why ‘stop comparing yourself’ is useless advice)

It happens to all of us: we’re happily scooting along in our own little blogging world, until we stumble upon that girl that started her blog roughly around the same time as you did. She blogs about similar things as you do. But unlike you she now has thousands of followers, viral posts, makes good money and regularly gets invited to the most exotic places on earth. And there goes your little bubble of blogging bliss. Poof. Gone. Down the drain goes your self-confidence.

And it doesn’t ever stop there does it? Because there are plenty more bloggers who have everything you want: exciting opportunities, loyal readers, millions of followers, a distinct lack of toothpaste stains on their shirt as they get ready to leave for an important meeting. In fact you wonder: why them? Why not me? What’s wrong with me?

I used to be like that. And even though you can’t avoid the little insecurity-monster from creeping up and whispering in your ear now and then, you can tell it to take a seat, tell it you’re not having it. Because I’m sorry to say it, but the problem is you. And more importantly; your attitude. But don’t worry; I’m not here to break your confidence. I’m here to give you a kick up the bum, and tell you how to change your mind-set so blogger envy never bothers you again.

The problem is you

Let me give it to you directly, ok? Then we can get the tough bits out of the way and get to the constructive bits. Take a deep breath. Sit down. You ready? Here it goes.

Stop being such a fragile butterfly. Stop waiting to be picked, go out and create your own opportunities.

Now, there you have it.

If you’re unhappy about not being picked for wonderful collaborations, or that you’re not being invited on press trips: then go out and create your own opportunities. If bigger sites are not sharing your posts, why not go out and create your own sharing group with bloggers you love, so you can support each other?

I’m sorry to say it sister, but no one else is going to open those doors for you. In business, you do you.

So take that little bout of envy and dissect it. Strap it down on a table, and go proper Dexter on it. Take that shiny sharp knife, yank it down and slice open the… wait, I’m being caried away here. Take a good look at that feeling that’s eating away at your confidence. What is it? Where does it come from? What is it that you’re REALLY longing for? And more importantly what can you DO with that information? Years ago I used to be super jealous of people that got sent on press trips. I looked at my life, and it looked so boring in comparison.

So I took that jealousy and examined it. Turns out it wasn’t about press trips: I really just wanted to travel more. And so I did. And now I’m in the position to take press trips on a monthly base, but I don’t (turns out they’re not fantastic, but that’s a story for another time). Because I’d rather choose my own adventures. I’m no longer jealous of other people, because I examine what I long for, turn that into a strategy, and then create my own opportunities.

We’re told ALL THE TIME to stop comparing ourselves to other people. But it’s useless advice. Because we all know it’s easier said than done. Comparing ourselves to others is engrained in our DNA. We needed it to know how we were doing in our quest to survive deadly mammoths attacks and to prolong our bloodline by bearing prehistoric babies. I’ll be the first to admit this is not as useful anymore today, but alas it’s there. We can’t change it. So telling yourself to stop comparing yourself isn’t magically going to fix it. If you can avoid certain people that make you feel crappy, then by all means do it. But it’s not the answer.

It’s infinitely more productive to take that jealousy and use it to create opportunities for yourself. Create a life that is so grand, you don’t NEED to feel envious of other people anymore. So go out and slay those goals for yourself. Go email that company to see if they want to collaborate. Go broaden your blogger network. Go write that awesome blogpost that your readers love. Go connect with a few more readers, or plan that trip.

Stop waiting to be picked. Pick yourself.

To help you slay the jealousy monster forever, I’ve created a handy little FREE workbook that will help you get to the root of the issue and deal with it forever! Up and onwards my darlings! Click the banner below to get access to it.